Morra Aarons-Mele, author of The Anxious Achiever
Image: Erykah Chanel
Q. How do you perceive the link between anxiety and leadership?
Anxiety is an emotion. And whether you have been anxious since birth (like me) or you are managing through challenging times, anxiety is a part of leadership. It is not an external threat over which you have no control, but an internal state you can learn to manage and learn from. When you understand your anxiety and learn how to leverage it, you develop a leadership superpower. When you are attuned to your emotions and what they are trying to tell you, you become a self-aware, conscious and a thoughtful leader.
I wrote this book because my own anxiety propels me forward, but it’s painful and sometimes all-consuming. I call us anxious achievers. Anxious achievers are goal-oriented, future-oriented and prized team members because we go the extra mile, and nothing less than the best will do.
Q. You write: “Anxiety at work is a double-edged sword.” Why do you think so?
When unmanaged, it can be a destructive force—as overwork, perfectionism, micro-management, unhealthy diets, drinking or substance use all impact today’s workplace experience. But if harnessed constructively, it can be a catalyst for growth, helping channel superpowers like greater vision, empathy and communication skills.
Q. How does an anxious leader cope with the emotion?
To an anxious leader, control feels so good. It’s such a human response if you think about it. It’s our brain trying to protect us. As Dr Christine Rynyan says in the book, we evolved as humans to stay alive. All those systems in our brains still exist. And when we feel that things are uncertain and scary, all those chemicals and hormones kick in. We get anxious. But along the way we learn coping mechanisms. And control is really a coping mechanism a lot of us have when we get anxious. Three common ways we act out an anxious need for control are perfectionism, micromanaging and overwork.
The problem is: The relief is temporary and once it wears off, whatever was making us anxious is still there—and often, it’s grown worse while we were avoiding it. Ironically, unhelpful reactions can help people advance in their career. Overwork, for example, is frequently lauded, and its results rewarded.
Q. How can leaders stay clear of ‘thought traps’?
A thought trap is a negative piece of either self-talk, self-criticism feedback or an instant reflexive thought that happens when you are triggered—when you are made anxious or concerned about something. A classic one is catastrophising, jumping to conclusions, feeling like an imposter, feeling like you are not worth it, and “should” statements.
If all you can think is, “I’m a fraud and any day now people will find out I actually don’t know what I’m doing”, your self-confidence is going to plummet, and your anxiety will escalate. And from there, the thought trap will influence your behaviour. You can offer an alternative to your thought trap, called a balanced thought.
For example, if your thought trap is ‘all or nothing’ thinking… “Because I messed up the numbers on that slide, my team will lose respect for me”, a more balanced thought could be: “Yes, I got the projections wrong. That was embarrassing. But it’s the first time in three years I’ve ever done something like this. It’s not a big deal in the long run and it was only an internal team presentation. Overall, my staff really trusts me, and I know this because I saw my recent 360 review.”
How to free yourself from the traps? It takes practice, more balanced thoughts, moving around (yes, really), allowing others to help you and other simple, research-based actions.